So Heavy
On November 28, 2018 by Michelle LoveI’ve been feeling very weighed down lately… just feels like I’m carrying the weight of a thousand worlds sometimes. Then I read something I wrote, like this from three years ago and, I feel a wave of panic wash over me. I’m right back there by his side, watching him suffer, holding his hand, mustering Read More
Did this really happen?!
On November 17, 2018 by Michelle LoveI wrote this 3 years ago today. Seems so surreal. *******While not mentally alert, BJ realizes it, and it upsets him. He can take the physical pain, but when it extends to his mind, that just reaches too far. What breaks my heart is when he looks at me through tears and reaches out his Read More
Reflection in the lobby
On November 10, 2018 by Michelle LoveSitting here reflecting this morning while Carly is in her Teen Advisory Council meeting at Levine Children’s Hospital …. I wonder how many kids have walked through here and didn’t walk out. If I close my eyes, I can see BJ and Carly walking in front of me, Carly pushing BJ’s IV pole… Today is Read More
Close Friends are A Blessing
On October 27, 2018 by Michelle LoveThis. This is from one my warrior steel magnolias…my inner circle that knows me well. ❤️ So blessed. #BJStrong It is almost time and you are having 2nd thoughts. DON’T. Remember all the afternoons watching practice and most of those boys grinding up that hill. Remember the smiles on their faces when they best East the first time Read More
Senior Football Banquet
On October 27, 2018 by Michelle LoveThis morning, Carly and I set up a memorial table for BJ, for tonight’s senior football dinner. I’m so grateful for people who remember that he would have been here, he would have been a senior, and that he would have been an integral part of the team….He would have LOVED our new coach. If Read More
8th Grade
On October 16, 2018 by Michelle Love8th grade school photos 🎗️❤️💔 I see so much of him in her… his fierceness, loving and caring heart, thoughtfulness…so much more. She is doing so many things, and I know he would be so proud of her. This is the last year that I can compare their school photos. 🎗️💔 I wish there were more. #BJStrong #ILoveYouMoreThanAnything#8thGrade#ChildhoodCancer #ChildhoodLeukemia #ChildhoodCancerAwareness#GoldStrong #GiveBlood #StandFirmWarrior #SFWF #StepIntoMyShoes Read More
Finding A Voice in the Pain
On October 7, 2018 by Michelle LoveI can’t fix it for her, and moms are supposed to fix things. This morning, Carly’s mood went from happy to decidedly not in a matter of minutes. I pressed her to tell me what was wrong. What happened in the last 5 minutes. She finally struggled to say…”I…miss….BJ.” Oh God. My heart. I think Read More
What’s Real
On January 26, 2018 by Michelle LoveI had some time by myself yesterday. For someone who has lost their child, that’s such a loaded sentence. Being alone gives an opportunity for reflection, or just allowing yourself to go to places that you usually skim across every other moment. It’s a time to dive a little deeper and release some emotions. I Read More
Blue eyes
On December 20, 2017 by Michelle LoveI just looked at my “this day in past years” photos, and saw the photo of BJ on Dec 20, 2015. He was opening some gifts that were brought to the hospital for him, and he had on a new Tarheel santa hat. His eyes…my Lord, those blue eyes, matching the color of the Carolina Read More
6 month cycles
On November 27, 2017 by Michelle LoveTwo years since this photo was taken….so hard to believe. The hardest time of the year for me is September through March, then I spend the next 6 months recovering, just to go back into the same cycle. So many especially ‘crapaversaries’ (as another angel-mom friend puts it) happen during these 6 months. BJ’s Read More
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