5-years since diagnosis
On September 13, 2017 by Michelle Love  5 years ago today, I was told that my child had cancer… The *most curable* type of childhood cancer – Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.  Immediately after being admitted to the hospital, he received his first blood transfusion. If you’ve never witnessed the change in a person with a desperate need for blood, I
We Got Options
On September 12, 2017 by Michelle LoveNeed motivation? Look no further than what lies in these 9 words. “We’ve got options….And who knows what will happen” Positivity in the face of death. 14 years old…He woke up from a certain hell in the PICU at Duke. Couldn’t speak due to medication side effects. Lines connected in his chest, both hands, wrists,
18 months and the war continues
On September 7, 2017 by Michelle LoveBJ left us 18 months ago. I really never thought that I would have had to be here without him for this long. (Read whatever you want into that.) It’s been hell. There have been some good days sprinkled in over the past 18 months, but this grief overshadows everything. I’ve been happy at times,
The Gap by Michael Crenlinsten
On September 6, 2017 by Michelle LoveThe gap between those who have lost children and those who have not is profoundly difficult to bridge. No one, whose children are well and intact, can be expected to understand what parents who have lost children have absorbed, what they bear. Our child now comes to us through every blade of grass, every crack in the sidewalk, every bowl of breakfast cereal, every kid on
Not Until it Enters Your World?
On September 5, 2017 by Michelle LoveDo you care? He did. StandFirmWarrior.org #standfirmwarrior #goGold #morethan4 #childhoodleukemia#childhoodcancerawareness #makeADifference #giveblood #BJStrong#CureForBJRound2 #cancersucks
Another Sunday, Another Loss
On August 20, 2017 by Michelle LoveVery early this morning, I learned that another young man had passed after complications secondary to radiation he had years ago. Roman was in BJ’s class at NLHS and we got to know him and his mom while we were at LCH together. He always had a big smile every time we saw him, even
Another Sunday
On August 20, 2017 by Michelle LoveDidn’t sleep well again. Finally gave into the restlessness and opened my eyes to see 4am, yet again. Xanax couldn’t even keep my mind quiet last night. As usual, I read from my phone until my eyes are too heavy to stay open. As the time ticked by, the torture going on in my own
Kinder mourn
On July 20, 2017 by Michelle LoveMany people have offered their advice over the past few years. Much of that advice was suggestions to see a grief counselor. I’m not against I had an appointment today at Kinder-mourn. The appointment was made out of shear desperation. Days on end of churning at the bottom of an ocean of grief after a
The Cliff
On July 16, 2017 by Michelle LoveImagine… You tread up a hill and see a loved one sitting on the edge of a cliff, with her back to you. You see her sitting there doing nothing. She won’t talk, and she won’t stand up. She hardly acknowledges your presence. She hides her face from you. You stand behind her and say
Closing up boxes
On July 15, 2017 by Michelle LoveThis is just another real perspective of childhood cancer: 43 months of color-coded calendars that helped me keep track of BJ’s medicines, clinic appointments, chemo infusion schedule, lumbar punctures with injected chemo, bone marrow aspirations, shots and tests. 2 boxes packed full of insurance EOBs, hospital bills, faculty physician bills, hospice bills, anesthesiologist bills, pediatric surgeon
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