The woods, the tractors, the memories, and the deer

On October 23, 2019 by Michelle Love

Things change. Everything is in a constant state of change. We both get that more than some do. Sometimes we can just roll with it, and then some change is just really hard. This past Friday morning as Carly was getting ready for school, we kept hearing what sounded like tractors. She looked outside and saw tractors in the quickly disappearing woods beside our house. We knew it was probably coming because the land had been surveyed recently, but we were unprepared for the emotions behind it. Especially Carly. I walked outside and the man from the tractor came over to talk. He was extremely nice…answered my questions, and when I started to shed tears for what I knew probably sounded really stupid to him, he was compassionate.

I went back inside to a very upset girl who seemed much smaller than she was earlier. We decided that we just needed the day — to be together, talk about her memories of playing in those woods with her brother. We talked about the fact that she and BJ hung that tire swing from the big oak tree…not to swing from it, but just because they thought that tree needed a tire swing. She talked about how BJ would go into the woods wearing his ghillie suit and from our deck, she would yell out to him if she could see him or not. She remembered a time when they went to play in the woods and he would tell her to stay and cover her eyes, then he’d walk away deeper into the woods, use his turkey call and she would have to come to find him, or he would jump out and scare her. To him, he was teaching her important life skills, or simply pranking her. To her, she was delighting in time spent with him. She loved playing in the woods as much as he did, because anything BJ wanted to do, she was in.

We watched the progress next door all day. We cried and talked and laughed at her memories. Later in the day, I noticed that the nice man had found BJ’s target deer and put it in our yard. It still has a piece of one of his arrows in it.

Taking the day to reflect, cry and laugh was very cathartic. The land beside us will never be like it was, but that’s ok. She still has her memories. And I have his deer again.