My Place

On April 20, 2017 by Michelle Love

It was a perfect day here yesterday.

The beach used to be my place to come to start fresh, to reset and get grounded again.

Carly and I escaped to Ocean Isle Beach for a couple of days. Both of us are beach-people, but we have had a hard time being there without BJ. We’ve gone to the coast several times, but always end up coming back home early. When we were a complete family, most of the time BJ was fishing by the surf, or fishing at the pier. He could stay on the pier all day and night, or stand by the surf for hours on end, and be completely content. Carly and I were content playing on the beach, or in the waves, looking quite often in his bucket to see if he had caught anything. We were always on the lookout for him. I think we’re both still on the lookout for him. It’s hard to break that feeling of knowing someone is just right close by, that you can always go check on what he’s doing. It always alarms me when the reality hits that he’s not here for me to check on. It’s initially a panicked feeling, and then that familiar wave of grief rolls in.

I think for both of us, home is now our ‘place’. It’s the place we rush to, the place we’d rather be more than anywhere else. So being in “my old place” at the beach hasn’t been easy. But this trip was slightly easier. We laughed more than usual, and talked about what BJ would be doing, and felt somewhat normal for at least a little while.

It’s amazing how being in certain location just melts away some of the weight from your shoulders.

🌞