Hanging on to Hair

On October 8, 2012 by Michelle Love

BJ’s hair is really starting to fall out now. He wanted a hair cut yesterday, so we went out on the deck, and I gave him a hair cut. I know hair shouldn’t be all that important, but it is. It deeply pains me to think about him losing all his hair. I know he’ll still be the same BJ that he has always been, but it’s an obvious and outward sign of what he’s going through. Sometimes when he feels good, you can almost forget for a while that he’s sick. It’s the look of “normal” that I’m hanging onto. I know what’s going on with my son, we’ve been living with it for 25 days now, but somehow, it’s still a bad dream. When all his hair is gone, there will be no escaping this reality. Not that there’s a real escape – it’s just that right now, he looks just like any other kid – just a little pale, and tired, but normal for the most part. It breaks my heart that the last piece of “normal” will be gone soon. While we were in the hospital because of his fever last week, one of the doctors commented that BJ looked better than he did. It had some truth to it, because BJ still looks normal, except for his puffy cheeks.

I know that his hair will be gone, and we will go to sleep and wake up to face another day. I know that his hair will grow back eventually. I know that the people who matter will not look at him any differently. I know that he’s super strong, and we will get through this, battling one day at a time.